I. Hate. Asking. For. Help.
Asking for help makes me anxious. Accepting help makes me nauseous.
I spend much of my time and effort avoiding help of any sort.
For fear that others might realize that I cannot do it all. For fear that I might realize that I cannot do it all. For fear that I might realize that God cannot do it all.
When we got married, my husband and I asked our wedding guests to sign our family Bible. On one of the thin, cream pages, a family friend wrote in her lovely, loopy script: “Our God is a BIG God. Don’t ask Him for things you can accomplish on your own. Ask him for awesome things.”
I stumbled upon these words a few months ago.
By chance . By grace.
A doctor had ordered some tests, and I was paralyzed by anxiety as I waited for the results. I spent those frightening days sitting on the couch with my black lab, eating ice cream, watching Jim Gaffigan, and alternating between reading the Bible and Harry Potter.
When I stumbled upon those words, however, I realized that I could not will or work my health into being. In fact, I could do nothing. I could not accomplish it on my own. I could only wait and hope.
Thankfully, my test results came back fine. I was, indeed, healthy. I was, however, still human.
Despite all the advancements we’ve made, humans have not yet conquered death. The mysteries of life and death still elude us. Only God understands them in their entirety. Only God can control them completely. And, while I may like to believe otherwise, I need Him and I need His help.
Thankfully, however, He is not a distant God. He is a God who became human, who knows the pain of life and the fear of death. Just as Jesus sat in the Garden, begging that this cup might pass from Him, so He sat on the couch with me, begging that this cup might pass from me.
He is a God eager to hear from us, eager to help us. He truly is a good God, a gracious God, a great God, ready to do the awesome things that we cannot do.
Asking for help still makes me nauseous. Accepting help still makes me anxious. I still fear asking for help. But, following those scary days on the couch, I fear a life without God and God’s help more.
The A.C.T.S. prayer, which includes Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication, helps me share everything with Christ. The big, the small. The good, the bad. Read more about Adoration, Confession, and Thanksgiving.